So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
