Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
