I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
