1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
