First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
