If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Be still, my beating vagina.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The air was thick with penises
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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