literally had 100 drinks last night.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Alive.
So much puke
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
