I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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