If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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