Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
