so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
