i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
