Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
