Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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