I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
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Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
