Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
