your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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