If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
