Having a random hookup so left but love u
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
