dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Someone signed my nipple.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
