he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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