This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
