Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
