My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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