Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
