i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
