and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
