Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
