I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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