My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
