GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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