she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
