What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
