i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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