im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
