and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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