I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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