She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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