There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
