Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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