I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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