he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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