I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
