I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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