and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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