sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
