Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
