Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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