You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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