I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
