My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
