He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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