9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
